99 Differentials Med School Parody of JayZ 99 Problems Illinois COM Peoria
You been havin' health problems I feel bad for you son There's 99 differentials and we can't pickone I thought a CHF with a massive hole First we gotta make sure her PFO's closed Eisenmenger's flipped her left to right flow The patient's orange, man, what's the echogonna showé If she grew up suppose with too much of those
Beta carotene per minute she was eating foo' It's like paralytic â€“ stop that dancingyou'll fall Still I have no clue why she can't feel hertoes Perhaps it's neuronal peripheral sense blowné Did a neuro test, it was normal so Take blood get the glucose back It's diabetes that's throwin' her off herass, s
Are you sure did you see her charté A1C's borderline if even that It's a sound deduction, but my opinioné There's 99 differentials and that's not theone. Hit me! 99 differentials, but we can't pick one You're having health problems we feel for you son 99 differentials, but we can't pick one
Let's recount from the top everything we saw Every sign, every symptom, every consequentialflaw Got two choices y'all let this lady die or Get our act together get her walking out thedoor At first she complained of the pain in herface And her head of two days was a classic case Of a migraine thought that was all Then, quot;, I'm about to fall!quot;
She's young, she's in shape, and her heartis gold Doesn't drink, smoke, take drugs that we know So what would make a healthy twenty four yearold Go collapse like a smoker who was fiftyfour quot;Migraine, unconsciousness, and syncope, erré Say, is there a translator for the medicalpooré I ain't being told s**t. Are these slegité quot;Mind saying all'a that in English a littlebitéquot;
Well your falx cerebri's shiftin', we're detectinga mass You're very hypotensive, that's why you'refainting and all that Carotenemic and anemic, possibly hypoglycemic We just know there's something, a zebra illnessor somethin' But we passed the boards and we know quitea bit Enough to get to the bottom of whatever thisis quot;I still have no clue what the hell you justsaid!quot; We have 99 differentials now get back in bed.Hit me!
If College Freshmen Were Honest On MoveIn Day
Hey! Do you guys want to come grab food with a big group of people terrified of eating alone. Hey I'm your room mate. Please don't be lame as shit. We're gonna be best friends, until we find people we actually have something in common with. Oh I care way more about getting fucked up than going to class. I'm trying really hard to seem cooler than I was in high school and. It's not working. My side of the room is way cuter than yours. Our room's going to smell like weed. a lot. I'm politely offering to switch beds with you although we both know I'm not going to do it.
Oh I'll do anything I can to avoid confrontation. We're going to be spending an unfortunate amount of time together. Hey, our parents already left so we're acting like hot shit. Come on! Once we start rushing frats I'll definitely stop hanging out with you. I'm only being nice to you because you have a fake I.D. This is my first time away from home and I'm actually terrified. I checked you out on Facebook, and your sister is really hot! I will hit on her when she visits. I'm trying to sleep with every girl I meet this week. We're going to hook up once and then we'll avoid eye contact for the four years.
I am never going to clean this comforter. Maybe if I puke on it but probably still not. This is my boyfriend. We're going to sex aisle you all the time. I'm going to resent the fuck out of that. I'll never tell you when somethings bothering me, but I will be extremely passive aggressive about it. Hooking up with you will be the first mistake I make in college but definitely not the last. This room is kinda miserable but I'm 18 and absolutely anything is better than living with my parents. Oh I'm on scholarship so I'm only paying 20 grand to get fucked up. Remember what I look like now because I'm going to gain 15 pounds.
I'm going to bring back a ton of frat boys and I don't really care if you're in here. I'll pretend to be sleepin and hate every second of it. Also I'm huge 'N Sync fan. No Strings Attached changed my life. Hi! I'm going to pursue you sexually.